I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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