I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could punch you in the face.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
