when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
