You smell like stripper and shame
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
