Please, let me fuck your mom
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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