My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
