So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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