Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I met the friendliest cop last night
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
