How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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