i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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