so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
