he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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