I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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