I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
