You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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