Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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