Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
