I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
