my being single is dangerous.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
