I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
