You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
