You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
