as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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