Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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