Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
