I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
