He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
