Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
