I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
