SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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