Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
