on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
