so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
