The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
