hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
