i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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