My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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