You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
