Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
