dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
