I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All the doctor said was why
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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