So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
