I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
