please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
