im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
