At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
