bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
