her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
