You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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