I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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