Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
