Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
