1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
