It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
