I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
