I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize