Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
