He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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