I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
